end times

KFC Gives America Just Four Days to Prepare For the End

“Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell.” Photo: Courtesy of KFC/YouTube

We’ve all been waiting for the next great mass-extinction event, and now we know what form it will take: KFC is preparing to spread its nightmarish vision of the future across America, from sea to boiling sea, on February 24. That’s when the chain will introduce its doughnuts to participating restaurants nationwide, following initial experiments on the innocent civilians of Virginia and Pittsburgh last year. Should you wish to participate in the doom, you can have a fried-chicken fillet sandwiched between two glazed doughnuts or, if you’re sane, a basket of chicken with doughnuts. They’ll be sold through March 16 or while supplies last, but we’ll probably all be dead before then, with any remaining people roving the wastelands in search of chicken scraps. Good night, and good luck.

KFC Gives America Just Four Days to Prepare for the End