As the Bible tells us, “The truth will set you free.” If you have ever met someone (literally, anyone) from California, you know that In-N-Out is actually a cult for which the pain of defecting is death. There is, in fact, no other explanation for why our West Coast frenemies so vehemently insist that the burger chain is not only great but better than Shake Shack. After years and years of this, a single Californian has, finally, broken free of his shackles to proclaim the truth: In-N-Out is meh.
In a review for California publication Alta Online, journalist and Taco USA author Gustavo Arellano goes in on the “so-so” chain with the fervor of the long oppressed. He says it “represents Southern California at its absolute worst,” naming such qualities as misplaced nostalgia, fast food itself, “and, worst of all, all hype and little substance.” He calls out the “secret” menu for what it is: a sham! Even fans know, he says, that the French fries are garbage. The milkshakes are “stellar,” sure, but the burgers? In-N-Out’s raison d’être? He lays down the ultimate insult when he says that “the best part of the In-N-Out hamburger is the lettuce.”
Arellano, if you are reading, please send us an address where we can ship you Yankees regalia, some crappy souvenirs from Times Square, and a year’s worth of Shake Shack.