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People Aren’t Exactly Lining Up for Starbucks’s New Zombie ‘Brains’ Frappuccino

Please go back from whence you came. Photo: Starbucks

Starbucks has gone somewhat shamelessly into full-scale gimmick mode for its new Zombie Frappuccino, which “arose” yesterday in cafés while supplies last, to quote one ad. The drink — dubbed “brains for dinner” — is only around through Halloween, and the scariest part might be that it’s decaf (the name suddenly makes perfect sense …). According to the chain, it involves a caramel-apple creme base that’s been dyed green, with red mocha drizzle and pink whipped cream on top. Sounds as though it’d taste like what kids might get if they dumped their bag of trick-or-treat candy into a Vitamix, but the beverage’s point is clearly to supply drinkable Instagram fodder, at least when the “brains” don’t do this:

These priorities perhaps help explain why no one on Starbucks’s R&D team seems to have considered the drink’s terrifying sweetness (58 grams of sugar in a grande), or that, like the misery-inducing Unicorn Frap, it’s hell on earth for baristas:

If you prefer drink promotion that’s less graphic, don’t worry — the chain’s got you covered here, too:

Starbucks’s Zombie ‘Brains’ Frap Isn’t Exactly Killing It