the chain gang

Olive Garden’s Alfredo Magazine Isn’t Real — Yet

This is a story about American ingenuity.

Imagine if you will a hungry Condé Nast employee, sitting in the company’s plush Manhattan offices, pining for something familiar and comforting. A food that nourishes both the body and the soul. Something that could, in theory, even be eaten in unlimited quantities. Aha, this employee may think, Olive Garden breadsticks!

That is exactly the situation that may lead to a tweet such as this one, which appeared yesterday afternoon:

Alas, Olive Garden’s social-media team seemed to ignore the otherwise-innocent plea, not responding for hours upon hours upon hours. But, as it turns out, this lack of response was not because Olive Garden does not care, but rather because they care so much. After all, they are more than a chain restaurant; they’re family. And so it was this morning that a very enterprising social-media manager (or a group of them) mocked up a cover for an entire magazine dedicated to the breadstick lifestyle.

The pages of Alfredo, as it’s called, appear to feature much breadstick-inspired content, such as “Get that Perfect Golden Glow This Summer” and “Garlic Salt: Tips & Tricks for the Ultimate Contours and Highlights.” It is extremely well-done. It even makes one wonder: Who is my breadstick bestie? (It’s also worth noting the July 2017 date stamped on the cover, which would indicate that even as the magazine industry continues to struggle, Olive Garden intends to publish Alfredo 12 times a year — ambitious.)

In a recent interview with Vulture, Trent Reznor lamented the creep of corporate interests on creative endeavors, but given the harsh realities of printing physical magazines in the age of the internet — a time when editors hand over their entire covers for advertising purposes sometimes — it seems like it’s only a matter of time before someone, perhaps even someone at Condé Nast, approaches Olive Garden about making Alfredo a reality.

If — or rather, when — that happens, honestly, we’d pick up a copy to at least read at the beach.

Olive Garden’s Breadstick Magazine Isn’t Real — Yet