Meet Bas de Groot, a man who should duke it out with certified water sommelier Martin Riese for the world’s easiest-to-make-fun-of food job. De Groot’s very niche area of expertise is milk — the planet’s one and only milk sommelier, as far as he’s aware. Cows’ milk is “more than an accompaniment to cereal” to him, this mini-doc by CNN’s Great Big Story explains. It’s “a liquid of serious complexity akin to a fine wine.” Get ready to hear the word terroir during a discussion about the mouthfeel of 2 percent:
Granted, de Groot has lots of smart things to say about the taste of milk. But he and Riese and the Upper West Side’s short-lived mustard sommelier and anyone else who obtains certified mastery of something other than wine all risk mockery, at bare minimum. At worst, they chance neutering that word so it’s effectively meaningless for everybody. Luckily, de Groot’s website clarifies that he’s not at some restaurant pairing milks with a tasting menu for a $115 supplement. (Maybe because nobody’s invited him to yet?)
If he wants to teach people to appreciate the flavor notes in milk, he could impress them the way wine critic Robert “Million-Dollar Nose” Parker has for years — through blind tastings. De Groot’s trick, though, should be to fill one of the glasses with cockroach milk.