Maybe the cryptic Siren is the Illuminati’s doing after all. A short by online video site Super Deluxe that’s making the rounds theorizes maybe the reason Starbucks baristas render incredibly common names into gibberish like “Franque” or “Gessika” isn’t because they can’t spell, but rather because of a conspiracy to trick fools into tweeting, snapping, and Instagramming pics of those phonetic massacres — with that green logo conspicuously in the shot, plain as day.
The video explains Super Deluxe’s team did an experiment to see how bad a job their local cafés would do if they sent Molly, “a person who works at Super Deluxe with a super easy name,” to buy five coffees. She returned with four variations: “Molly” twice, “Molli,” “Mali,” and “Mommy.” There’s really only one way to read this, the video concludes:
Each year, millions of people all around the globe have their names misspelled on cups of Starbucks coffee. They take pictures of their butchered names and post them on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, wherever. And what do all these pictures have in common? Two things: A misspelled name, and that familiar green Siren, staring at you with her all-knowing gaze.
That’s right, sheeple — you’ve been giving Starbucks free advertising for years. That innocent little scribble on your Pumpkin Spiced Latte is tugging at the subconscious of your friends to go out and buy Pumpkin Spiced Lattes of their own. Only to then have their names misspelled, take a picture, and thereby perpetuate this frothy cycle of control.
Clearly, it’s meant in jest, but people on Twitter are convinced.