A man who doesn’t fear death has entrusted the fate of his GI tract to Reddit: In a courageous post Tuesday, user Mister_Scorpion promised to consume “the worst Subway sandwich possible” that his fellow Redditors can think up, his only stipulation being that these crimes against food could only use the chain’s notoriously subpar actual ingredients. “I will eat the highest rated comment and report back,” he says.
Shocking no one, this didn’t prove much of a limitation. He gave everyone just over a day to pitch their grossest recipes and vote, and in that time the thread has drawn more than 11,200 comments. He actually had to go back and set several ground rules after suggestions got truly depraved (things like “all the sauces” or telling him to submerge a footlong BMT into a large Pepsi):
- 1. must have one kind of meat
- 2. Any salads and extra meat/ cheese are fair game. Except red onion, I’m allergic.
- 3. Only 2 kinds of sauces max plz. That’s the limit at my local store. Also I don’t want to die.
Plenty of suggestions so far involve toasting lettuce and loading Mister_Scorpion’s sandwich up with Subway’s infamous “metallic” black olives, but easily among the most deranged standouts is this concoction:
Get the wheat bread. Insist that they “lube it up son!” first by slathering a copious amount of mayo on both sides. To the point where you can’t see bread anymore. Then you get them to toast it on 3. Add cold meatballs and you’re good to go
Another person suggests adding both a chocolate-chip cookie and a whole pickle from the back (although the subreddit has since devolved into a debate over whether whole pickles are just a myth). Knowing that Subway’s bread is a force of nastiness unto itself, another commenter pitched ordering wheat bread and adding salt “until they’re worried for your health and refuse to add more.” Also, there’s this hideously demented idea, which definitely has a shot: “Meatball and tuna with double squirt of sweet onion chicken teriyaki sauce. Not toasted.”
And someone made sure to remind everyone that Subway does breakfast now, too, so nobody should forget about the precooked scrambled eggs. Voting is supposed to end today, so Mister_Scorpion has got to be sweating bullets by about now.