Food Send-ups

Pizzeria Debuts Trump Pizza, Sliced Small for People With Tiny Fingers

“These major losers are gonna have a problem, I guarantee.” Photo: Mike Pont/WireImage

Until President Trump suspends the First Amendment next January as his first act of office, American citizens may still legally criticize the man’s stubby orange-hued fingers, or anything else they’d like. Seemingly aware of this fact, the folks at Vinnie’s Pizzeria in Portland have opted to go ahead and get it all out of their system now: The joint is currently offering something called “The Wall,” a pizza that piles on three toppings and triple cheese. Even with a mound six layers high, that’s still a pretty flat pie that doesn’t live up to its name, but maybe that’s exactly the point. Much like Trump discussing his policies on the trail, the item’s description wastes very little time explaining what the actual product is but, once it gets sidetracked insulting its target, nearly goes on forever:

It’s a wall of pizza, overdone and overblown. Cut in slices that little tiny fingers can handle. Everybody likes it. It’s everyone’s favorite. It’s the best built pizza you’ll ever see. I guarantee it. Not for losers and haters. I love the pizzas and the pizzas love me. You can use cash, credit card, or send the bill to Mexico. They’ll pay for it. I guarantee the Mexicans will pay for it!

And not done there, Vinnie’s has also hung a humongous sign out front that declares “Donald Drumpf Campaign Headquarters,” a bold nod to John Oliver’s scathing takedown.

It’s pizza made great again.


Pizzeria Debuts Trump Pie Cut for Tiny Fingers