Soylent, the food substitute invented by Silicon Valley eccentric Rob Rhinehart, now comes in an even more convenient form: Users who griped that preparing their meal replacements required laboriously blending bags of powder with water will save 30 seconds with Soylent 2.0, a ready-to-drink bottled format that packs one fifth of a day’s calories.
The reason for 2.0, though, appears to be a crisis of Rhinehart’s conscience, as he felt the old Soylent, which goes in the fridge after it’s blended, was contributing to the “unconscionable amount of energy that we spend on refrigeration in the United States.” This new algae-rich version finally let him eliminate that step.
The thing is, it’s still just as revolting as the original, and if you needed further proof that Soylent (of any kind) probably isn’t the ideal meal replacement for the well-adjusted, here are the rantings — in a new post on Rhinehart’s blog called “How I Gave Up Alternating Current” — of a person who’s subsisted on it for two years:
• “I have been living on [Soylent 2.0 and no alternating current] for a few months now and am thrilled how well it works. Every morning I arise and marvel at the free, reliable energy generated in a cosmic fusion reactor and beamed to my apartment through space.”
• “The walls are buzzing. I know this because I have a magnet implanted in my hand and whenever I reach near an outlet I can feel them.”
• “I think it was a bit presumptuous for the architect to assume I wanted a kitchen with my apartment and make me pay for it. My home is a place of peace. I don’t want to live with red hot heating elements and razor sharp knives. That sounds like a torture chamber.”
• “It got a little weird when I had to prove my existence to a local government and they asked for a utility bill. Good thing I still use water, for now.”
• “Nevermore will I bumble through endless confusing aisles like a pack-donkey searching for feed while the smell of rotting flesh fills my nostrils and fluorescent lights sear my eyeballs and sappy love songs torture my ears.”
Finally, he promises: “You can set this up yourself. Everything I used is available on Amazon except for Soylent 2.0, which is only available at soylent.com.”