If you thought the fruitful, corporate cross-pollination between PepsiCo and Yum! Brands that has thus far yielded Flamin’ Hot Fritos “dip” and billions of Dorito-fied tacos would only go as far as the number of permutations between fruity soda flavors and the Taco Bell menu board, well, of course you were wrong. As of tomorrow, the innovators behind the “breakfast soda” MTN DEW A.M. are rolling out “Cinnabon Delights Coffee,” which is most likely what it sounds like, a refreshing hot beverage that tastes like horrible coffee that was blended with dough and icing and industrial-grade spice extracts. Starting tomorrow, order a cup with the chain’s app and you get a four-pack of Cinnabon Delights, which is the name given to zeppoles that have been condemned to eternal damnation.
Some stores are already serving the murky drink — “SPOILER ALERT,” a Facebook user commented, “it’s gross” — but honestly, it has to be a step up from Cinnabon vodka, right? The coffee is a continuation of a partnership, after all, between Taco Bell and Focus Brands, which owns Carvel and Auntie Anne’s, the premier name in soft pretzels you get at malls and major transit hubs. In other words, don’t expect this to be the last word in unhinged fast-food mash-ups. At the very least, Fudgie the Whale Crunchwrap Supreme Gorditas and Cookie Puss Taquitos can’t be too far behind.