It’s Time to Shut Up About Brunch

We get it.
We get it. Photo: Dana Robinson/Flickr

This is bold: Writer David Shaftel today takes to the Times Op-Ed section to proclaim, in no uncertain terms, that he’s, like, totally over brunch. NO BRUNCH, Shaftel argues. It’s adolescence masquerading as urbanity. It’s the meal of gentrifiers and conformists. The food usually isn’t very good. Though Shaftel concedes he did have a nice midday fondue meal once, his larger point is that brunch as a concept is, as they say, for assholes. To which Grub Street says: Get over it. This is a topic that has worn out its welcome. Ever since the first chef wrote a menu that included both eggs Benedict and a hamburger, people have been complaining about brunch. It’s at the point now where, you know, we get it: Not everyone’s into the idea of brunch. Time to find a new cause, brunch haters.

Brunch has done nothing wrong. Brunch just wants to be there for you, should you choose to partake. If you’re not into it, that’s fine. Nobody cares how you spend your weekends. Here is why some people find brunch enjoyable: It’s an excuse to be lazy right in the middle of the day. You can get a little drunk, eat breakfast food or lunch food or even a combination of both, and just generally get nothing accomplished on a Saturday or a Sunday. (But let’s be clear: Those bottomless brunches that clubs hold in the middle of the day are not, despite their names, brunch in any actual sense. They are gathering spots for young alcoholics with too much money, and they are absolutely worth complaining about.)

Really, there isn’t a whole lot to say about brunch. But that hasn’t stopped people — lots of people; too many people — from moaning incessantly about what is otherwise a relatively innocuous meal. These stories are but a mere fraction of the brunch hatred that’s out there in the world:

Deep Down, You Know Brunch Sucks. Let’s Break It Down
Five Reasons Brunch Is So Overrated
24 Reasons Brunch Is the Absolute Worst
The Complete Guide to Hating Brunch
Brunch Sucks
Brunch Is America’s Most Hated Meal Because We All Ruined It
Why I Hate Brunch
Another one called Why I Hate Brunch
Charts Explain Why Brunch is the Worst (why on earth do we need charts for this?)

Things are just as grim on social media:

Brunch is where parents teach their kids how to be assholes at restaurants.— josh haness (@fuzzyjosh) October 5, 2014

I feel like #brunch is probably trending because you assholes won’t shut up about it.— Ben Popik (@benpopik) September 14, 2014

Brunch is a bullshit meal.— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) September 10, 2014

When your cause has already been summed up with a punchy T-shirt slogan, you don’t have to keep going on about it. There is exactly one group of people that is allowed to complain about brunch: restaurant workers who have to drag their asses out of bed, usually after working late the night before, in order to get brunch service ready in time to open at noon. Those people are allowed to complain because that sounds unpleasant. People who wish to merely complain about eating brunch, however, need to move on. There are bigger issues to worry about, like how annoying it is when restaurants can’t make a decent cocktail.

Related: 15 New York Restaurants Where Brunch Is Obscenely Expensive

It’s Time to Shut Up About Brunch