Everyone's A Critic

The NYPD Thinks a Yelper May Have Smoke-Bombed Bar Pitti

“I’d give it zero stars if I could!!!”

We’re going on five days now, and that Mutant Turtles-inspired, sewer-lurking ninja behind Bar Pitti’s smoke-bombing is still on the lam. Noted next-door rivals at Da Silvano have denied it was any of them, but the good news this morning is the NYPD apparently has promising new leads: “They’re looking at negative restaurant reviews,” a source claims. “They’re looking for stuff like, ‘This place sucks and I’m going to blow this f–king place up.’”

So far, it’s not clear if anyone filed such a review, or words to that same basic effect, along with the line “And just so happens that my favorite brand of emergency flares are now available through Amazon Prime,” but Bar Pitti’s Yelp page has received a bunch of one-star reviews. Most of these take on an especially ominous tone when paired with the account of a dude who popped out of an emergency subway exit to hurl smoke bombs at customers dining. “I advise you do yourself a favor and steer wayyyy clear of this one!” one reads.

Of course, if law enforcement is looking for clues, some of the emphatically positive reviews may be worth flagging, too. “The only negative is it is hard to get a table in this most popular of Village restaurants,” reads one, with five stars. “Get there early to snag a table.” Maybe the perp was just trying to clear the place out in order to secure an ideal, window-facing table at prime time?

Related: Police Still Don’t Know Who Smoke-Bombed Bar Pitti This Weekend

The NYPD Thinks a Yelper May Have Smoke-Bombed Bar Pitti