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Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’ Is the Worst Song You’ll Hear All Day

If you love Chinese takeout, hate it, or perhaps even feel indifferent about wontons and such, you no doubt want to beat your head on whatever hard surface is closest after watching “Chinese Food,” the latest soon-to-be-viral inanity from the same pay-to-play songsmiths who engineered Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” On the surface, “Chinese Food” is about a young woman’s love of fried rice and chow m-m-m-m-mein, which she explains in cryptic detail in the midst of a culturally insensitive romp through bucolic suburban parks and dystopian strip mall buffets. Is this what MSG Syndrome really is, and why is everyone dressed in kimonos and kabuki face paint at the end? Isn’t production wizard Clarence Jey a little old to don a panda suit and talk-rap his way through a Monopoly game with a bunch of preteen girls? Does someone know what’s really going on here? Please leave your exegesis in the comments.

Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’ Is the Worst Song You’ll