In what’s sure to prompt a Sharknado-esque customer frenzy, the new and perhaps improved Hostess Twinkies will appear on the shelves of every Walmart store in the country at 12:01 a.m. on Sunday, one full day before they go on sale at the remaining 96,381 stores selling them. The retail price for a box of ten is $2.98, which is low enough for everyone to buy five boxes to eat and another five to store horizontally in their climate-controlled Twinkie cellar for a decade or so before unleashing them on eBay.
As you can see, the packaging is emblazoned with a triumphant “FIRST BATCH” medal of snack cake honor, or something. Curiously, old Twinkies came ten to a box and weighed in at fifteen ounces, while the new, apparently more ethereal Twinkies also come ten to a box but come out to 13.58 ounces. Did Twinkies shrink? Are they now smaller (aka Shrinkies)? Does Twinkie the Kid have any idea he’s riding a snack cake and not an actual horse? Find out the answers to these questions, and probably many, many more, this historic weekend.