Grub Guides

27 Signs That You’re a Bay Area Food Snob

You try to hit every restaurant when it opens, and you definitely have an opinion about all of them.
You try to hit every restaurant when it opens, and you definitely have an opinion about all of them. Photo: Andrei Riskin

You know your watermelon from your breakfast radishes, you’re the one everyone texts when they need a restaurant recommendation, and you spend the lion’s share of your disposable income dining out, drinking great wine, and shopping at Bi-Rite. Basically, you know what’s important in life, and it mostly revolves around putting excellent things in your mouth. People from other parts of the country might not understand, but this is a very familiar type of person to those in and around San Francisco. Please take a moment to see if the following 27 criteria apply to you, or someone you love.

1. You are SO OVER pork belly, and declare this loudly when you see it on a menu.

Pork belly with risotto at Cafe Claude. Photo: Sirsnapsalot/Flickr

2. Sweetbreads are old hat, and now you’re trying to turn friends on to tripe, and rabbit headcheese.

Rabbit headcheese, with rabbit mortadella and liver pate at Central Kitchen. Photo: Andrei Riskin

3. Niman Ranch is way too corporate at this point, and you only buy grass-fed and local beef, preferably from Marin Sun Farms or Prather Ranch.

Photo: BrownGuacamole/Flickr

4. This is just an average Monday.

A vegetable flatbread at Rich Table. Photo: Alanna Hale

5. This is just an average Friday.

Frances. Photo: Jay Barmann

6. This is just an average Saturday.

Photo: Courtesy of CUESA

7. This is your idea of a spectator sport.

A pig butchery contest at the Eat Real Festival. Photo: Brian Smeets

8. Your friends ask you what chitarra, soubise, and gremolata are, and you obviously know.

Pasta being cut with a chitarra. Photo: Patricia Turo

9. Chardonnay is fine, only if it’s un-oaked, but you’d rather have a glass of Riesling or Friulano.

Photo: Seabamirum/Flickr

10. You don’t just have a CSA, but you’ve also got a community-supported fishery subscription.

Photo: SirenSea

11. You know that the best Chinese food is all down on the Peninsula.

Dumplings at Koi Palace. Photo: Tiffany Wan

12. You’ve been to the actual Hog Island Oyster Farm near Point Reyes.

Photo: TR4NSLATOR/Flickr

13. You’ve been to every S.F. Street Food Festival, and every SF Chefs.

14. You remember the openings of Boulevard and Gary Danko.

Photo: Courtesy of Boulevard

15. You make an annual (or monthly) pilgrimage to Zuni for the chicken.

Photo courtesy of Zuni Cafe

16. You were seriously upset when Soul Food Farm closed last year, and you namedrop Frog Hollow Farm whenever you get the chance.

Photo courtesy of Frog Hollow Farm

17. You know the difference between burrata and mozzarella di bufala, and you’ve made both yourself.

Photo: tomislavmedak/Flickr

18. You have a bumper sticker like this on your car.

Photo: Cafe Press

19. Or this.

Photo: Cafe Press

20. When traveling to other cities, you’re appalled when a cocktail bar doesn’t have a bowl of fresh citrus sitting on top of it.

Photo: M kasahara/Flickr

21. You would rather gouge out your eyes than eat at an Applebee’s.

Photo: Roadsidepictures

22. Or Cheesecake Factory.

Photo: thoth188/Flickr

23. … But In ‘N’ Out is totally cool.

Photo: pointnshoot/Flickr

24. You’ve made your own list of top ten pizzas.

A half-and-half at Pauline’s. Photo: Andrei Riskin

25. … And burgers.

Photo courtesy of TrueBurger

26. … And pho.

Chicken pho with shrimp dumplings at Golden King. Photo: Matt Wright/Flickr

27. … And you’re reading this blog right now.

Earlier: The Best of S.F.: Where and What to Eat

27 Signs That You’re a Bay Area Food Snob