Cawfee Talk

Jerry Seinfeld’s 10 Best Thoughts on Coffee

Seinfeld enjoying a cup on his new series, which will return for a second season.
Seinfeld enjoying a cup on his new series, which will return for a second season. Photo: Courtesy of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee

Considering he has a web series called “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” you’d think Jerry Seinfeld had always been an expert on the topic. But he’s actually a recent convert; he only started drinking coffee five years ago. While listening to the “Morning Edition” Coffee Week program on NPR, Seinfeld decided he wanted to share his wisdom about his new favorite drink. Here are ten of his most thoughtful and entertaining musings on why coffee solves all life’s problems.

• “When you go into 3 Guys Coffeeshop on Columbus, don’t complain that it’s not as good as Gimme! Coffee or Mudd or one of these places. Appreciate that for what that is. Know the difference, but don’t be a pain in the ass about it.”

• “My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time. This is a great way to do it.”

• “It’s legal. It’s not expensive. And they have a whole world for you with all their little words.”

• “I just started [drinking coffee] … It just seemed to go really well with the French toast — the sugar and the milk — and it just seemed like the perfect French toast companion.”

• “Eating is annoying and difficult to arrange … meeting someone for coffee suddenly seemed like a wonderful, compact, accessible, and portable social interaction.”

• “I like it pretty basic. I’ve just started this espresso thing, but it’s just milk and sugar. That’s it. I don’t want to talk that long to the guy or gal.”

• “I don’t know what the plastic stick does. I don’t even really know what the sleeve does. But I want that little kit because this is my morning toy.”

• “I didn’t realize that caffeine has quite an effect on you. And that got to be another toy.”

• “We want to do a lot of stuff. We’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”

• “Here’s the secret to being a great coffee enjoyer: You want the sophistication of the snob without the pretension of the snob. So you want to know what’s going on, but don’t be a fussbudget about it.”

So Jerry Seinfeld Called Us to Talk About Coffee [NPR]

Jerry Seinfeld’s 10 Best Thoughts on Coffee