“Mad Men’s Megan lights the shag carpet on fire with “Zou Bisou Bisou” and then becomes a shy teeth-caching robot for her screen test, and Food Network Star is, at its most basic level, a collection of screen tests tied together with the string constructs of using a grill and blending smoothies for kindergartners.” —One writer’s takedown of Guy Fieri, his neck fat, and the show that made him famous. [Grantland]