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Six Top Chef Challenges Designed for Boston

Bet Gisele wouldn't have loved those pancakes...
Bet Gisele wouldn’t have loved those pancakes… Photo: Virginia Sherwood/Bravo

We were skeptical about the whole media campaign to bring Top Chef to Boston from the get-go. Now the Herald reports that the deal is a no-go. They say that the details are “sketchy,” but apparently Portland or Seattle will get the big nod, as our fair city didn’t come up with enough cash or large enough sponsorships. What, Boston Beer Company isn’t important? Also, according to the paper, the winning city provided free hotel rooms. In light of this news, we’ve thought of a few challenges that Bravo could have set up only in Boston. They’re missing out on some dramatic TV!

6. Try to score online tickets to Guchi’s Midnight Ramen. Anyone able to actually get tickets has Pavlovian “refresh” skills, which shows patience, persistence, and quick fingers.

5. Reopen Todd English’s Olives in a week or less. This could totally be the much-vaunted restaurant challenge.

4. Cook for drunk, enraged fans at Fenway. We can’t imagine more soul-battering conditions. Extra pressure: No beer or fried chicken allowed!

3. Elimination rounds with judges like Mickey Ward, Mark Wahlberg, and Gisele Bundchen. These people would not be diplomatic. No Pee-Wee Hermans (“this is the best pancake ever!”) in the bunch. Mickey would growl, Mark would scowl (and brag about his brother’s burgers), and Gisele would wax political about ingredients used, only to apologize later.

2. Shop at the Jamaica Plain Whole Foods while dodging protesters.

1. Open a faux Mexican restaurant with lots of reclaimed wood, an innovative craft cocktail program, pour-overs, an iPad wine list, farm-to-table guacamole, locally sourced ingredients, a rooftop garden, and, oh, never mind. Nobody could do that. We’re asking too much!

The Inside Track [Herald]

Related: Is Top Chef Really Coming to Boston?

Six Top Chef Challenges Designed for Boston