An elderly Ukrainian man recently won a dumpling-eating contest, and then promptly perished. It is very sad, but at least he went out on top! According to the Guardian, “A Ukraine dumpling-eating contest to find the person who could eat 10 of the dough balls most quickly went horribly wrong when the 77-year-old champion keeled over and died.”
Naturally, the contest organizers deny responsibility for the death, but they do admit that the geriatric victor was rewarded with a tub of sour cream after downing ten potato-stuffed vareniki in a mere 30 seconds. “What happened to him after his victory, the organisers don’t know,” one official is quoted as saying. Representatives from the competition did attend his funeral amid accusations that tainted dumplings — not, you know, hoovering dough balls and fatty condiments like a drunken spring breaker — led to the tragedy. No word on what became of the sour cream, which as we now know, does have healing properties. But apparently not enough of them.