The James Weird Awards

The James Weird Awards: A Toddler Who’s Never Had Food, the World’s (New) Heaviest Onion, and Taco Bell Randomness

Over the past week, we’ve seen a shop full of mayonnaise, moms rebelling against Schweddy Balls, and glitter-covered waffles, but none of those occurrences answered our biggest question: What is it about Taco Bell that inspires such devotion (and craziness) in its customers? Help the James Weird Awards solve the mystery, straight ahead.

• There’s a new record for the world’s heaviest onion! At seventeen pounds, fifteen ounces, the gigantic vegetable broke the previous world record of sixteen pounds, eight ounces set in 2005. It was grown by 67-year-old English retiree Peter Glazebook, who was photographed cradling the monstrous onion in his arms, gazing at it with adoration as if it were a baby or a particularly cute dog. [Daily Mail UK]

• In case you aren’t sated by the endless loop of Train’s “Drops of Jupiter” blaring from speakers in stores and waiting rooms everywhere, the band’s wine company is debuting an inaugural varietal, Drops of Jupiter 2009 Petite Sirah, to be sold at the Bonefish Grill seafood chain. [Zagat Buzz]

• A man in Florida was denied service at a Taco Bell when he tried to walk through the drive-through late at night. Irate, he promptly called 911. “You gotta get a DUI to get a taco,” the call transcript reads. “I got the munchies and I walked a quarter mile from here. Are you going to help me out or do I have to get arrested to get home? You know what I’m saying?” Unsurprisingly, the man had been drinking. [Consumerist]

• Related: A Taco Bell employee in Missouri forgot to include packets of hot sauce with one man’s order. When the customer discovered the error, he returned to the restaurant with a shotgun — an overreaction for which he was promptly arrested. [KCTV via CNN]

• A 19-month-old boy in Sydney, Australia, has never tasted food. Born eleven weeks premature, the boy spent the first year of his life hooked up to oxygen and feeding tubes, a health situation that has left him psychologically averse to anything that comes near his face. He is fed by a tube that runs directly to his stomach. [Sydney Daily Telegraph]

The James Weird Awards: A Toddler Who’s Never Had Food, the World’s