It’s finally here. Though Chick-fil-A, the Atlanta-based fried chicken chain, has spent the past year invading the suburbs, its first official Chicago location will open tomorrow in the Gold Coast. To celebrate, it will be giving away a #1 Combo Meal (Chick-fil-A sandwich, waffle fries, and drink) every week for a year to the first 100 people in line. Of course, one can’t simply stroll into the store a few minutes before opening. No, you must camp out all night, which means you need to get in line today at 6 p.m. We don’t want to psych you out or anything, but the weather is conspiring against you. If the chain’s stance on gay rights hasn’t dissuaded you from embarking on this crazy plan, perhaps our breakdown of the horrific hourly weather forecast will. Read on.
Before you do any of the following, make sure to read all of the rules and regulations. Okay, ready? Let’s go:
No line is legally allowed to form until this time. So, it’s okay to stand at the most strategically located place and act like you’re waiting for a friend. Oh, and bring an umbrella; the forecast is predicting a 60 percent chance of rain, with temperatures in the low 60s. If more than 100 people are waiting in line, you’ll have to enter a raffle. If you don’t make it, just leave.
According to the forecast, it will have rained for three hours at this point. All you can use for protection is an umbrella. Chick-fil-A bans tents, and if you get out of line to dry off, you’re out.
Finally, the forecast is predicting the rain might stop. To be fair, at this point there is only a 20 percent chance, which is at least an improvement. Still, you’re getting hungry. Unfortunately, Chick-fil-A bans cooking and any open fires.
At this point, there is only a 10 percent chance of rain. But, you’ll probably need a little pick-me-up to keep going, right? Well, that’s too bad; all you’re going to get is free water — alcohol or “drugs” are not allowed. We’re not sure which drugs the company is precisely referring to, but apparently all of them are banned.
Okay, the contest is supposed to end now, though “the time may vary by location.” Considering you strictly followed all of the rules, and avoided all drugs, you can now get a years supply of fried chicken sandwiches. Congratulations.
Chick-fil-A, 30 E Chicago Ave, Chicago, IL 60611; 312-266-8888