Top Chef–ers Way Into the Idea of a Broadway Spinoff

We imagine it would look a lot like this, but with knives.
We imagine it would look a lot like this, but with knives. Photo: Danielle Berman; Photos: Joan Marcus (Anything Goes), Patrick McMullan (Lakshmi), Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for FINCA (Colicchio), Valerie Macon/Getty Images (Vigneron)

At Wednesday’s opening of Larry Kramer’s gut-wrenching The Normal Heart, Bravo’s resident nut-counter Andy Cohen slipped us an interesting showbiz tip: “Tom Colicchio has been pestering me to do Top Chef, The Musical!,” Cohen told us. “He thinks he has a great idea about doing something like that … I told him I’m not so sure, but he’s trying to convince me!” No word from camp Colicchio on the rumor, but we did grab a few reactions from former Top Chef–fers, who say they’d join the production in a New York minute — or at least throw one of their castmates into the onstage weeds.

Season five’s Leah Cohen is totally in. “The Asian side of me obviously loves karaoke and singing so I would be into making a cameo,” she said, offering just one caveat: “I must be wasted before I go onstage. Just kidding!” Who else does she think might be a good fit? “I think Carla has a good personality for a musical. Also Dale. And Marcel could spit a couple of lame raps as well.”

Funny she should mention Marcel. When we asked him if he’d be up for a lead role, he basically took the job on the spot: “Totally, of course, I’d love to do it. I’m a pretty decent dancer, I’m not gonna lie. Actually, I was cutting a rug for six hours last night. Yeah, I could definitely handle the freestyle hip-hop scenes.” But can he sing too? “I totally sing in the shower, but it should probably be Milli Vanilli–style, where I can just dance and lip-synch.”

Any other chefs he’d want to see onstage? “I saw Angelo Sosa dance in the Bahamas and, let me tell you, that was something else. It was straight Euro-discotheque, eighties-style. It was like a sexy striptease with him pouring water all over himself. The D.J. actually stopped the music, it was that good.” But the Top Chef talent doesn’t stop there, “Dale is also a really good dancer, especially to Katy Perry.”

Sam Talbot would support the show under one condition: “I would only see the show if they cast Padma — as herself.”

And season six’s Eli Kirshtein wants the role of creative director. “It would have to be really dramatic with a protagonist and villain,” he says, doing his best Julie Taymor impression. “The challenges would involve cooking to get away from the super-villain, like guessing the allergy that kills them.” He continued, “There would also have to be overt product placement musical numbers — like one about the incredibly shiny Gladware plastic wrap — while a Toyota Highlander drives across the stage.” And that’s not all! “Everyone would be on pulleys, like in Spider-man, and the villain would be wearing a Tom Colicchio mask throughout the show, and at the end he pulls off the mask and it’s actually him.”

Top Chef–ers Way Into the Idea of a Broadway Spinoff