The James Weird Awards

The James Weird Awards: Mafia Shakedowns, Tasteless Comedy, and an IHOP Brawl

This week we learned about sketchy professors tipping with porn, Dunkin’ Donuts’ uninspired royal-wedding doughnuts, and something called Cupcake Vodka. Unsettling, yes, but there’s somehow even more strangeness to report, and it’s all in the weekly James Weird Awards.

• Cops in Ohio tried to pull over a woman for drunk driving but were forced to wait when the suspect insisted on picking up food at a Taco Bell drive-through first. Her blood-alcohol level was found to be twice the legal limit, which explains why she was at Taco Bell. [AP]

• An Albuquerque man was arrested after police watched him steal grease from an area restaurant’s Dumpster. Police suspect that rising gas prices fueled the man’s decision to become a grease thief. [KOB]

• An early morning brawl involving police and a group of female civilians broke out at an Atlanta IHOP for unknown reasons. Eyewitness accounts say an off-duty cop instigated the 4 a.m. melee when he “lunged” at one woman and punched another. More like International House of Pain! [Jezebel]

• There’s unsafe sex, and then there’s this: According to court testimony, a Staten Island restaurant owner paid the mafia $50,000 to not be murdered after he impregnated a mobster’s wife. “Instead of getting killed, he’d have to pay a tax,” the cuckolded criminal told the court. “It was basically a penalty.” [NYDN]

• Cheap jokes came at a high price for one Vancouver restaurant owner who’s being fined $7,500 after one of his customers became the butt of a stand-up comedian’s gay jokes. The comic, who himself is being fined $22,500, was performing at the restaurant when he decided to “hurl a torrent of sexual insults” at the woman and her partner. Check, please. [Vancouver Sun]

• Paramedics were called when a customer at a restaurant in Australia fell to the ground and suffered an apparent seizure. As he was being loaded into the ambulance, a waiter ran after him and his dining companion — to deliver the bill. “My opinion is they ate in our restaurant,” the manager said. “They have to pay.” [New Zealand Herald]

The James Weird Awards: Mafia Shakedowns, Tasteless Comedy, and an IHOP Brawl