Patriotic Grilled-Cheese Avenger Thwarts Nazis

We thought the Blues Brothers scared off Illinois Nazis.
We thought the Blues Brothers scared off Illinois Nazis. Photo: courtesy of YouTube

A bunch of local Illinois Nazis were just trying to have a “birthday party” for Adolf Hitler at a banquet hall in nearby Lyon with “decorated cakes,” when a mysterious man slipped in, ordered a grilled cheese, and then proceeded to set off a smoke bomb. The room full of 60 was quickly cleared, and the man fled. You read all of that right. There is so much crazy going on here, it’s hard to know where to begin.

First off, what kind of insane banquet hall serves both hate-mongering organizations and grilled-cheese sandwiches to go? Oh, and who knew there were still Nazis in suburban Chicago?

The smoke bomb “suspect” — and apparent grilled-cheese enthusiast — has not been caught, and the police don’t sound like they are trying too hard to find him. Police Chief Harley Schinker told the Tribune, “the description we have to work off of is very vague.” No one was hurt, and there was no serious damage caused to the building.

But don’t feel too bad for the Nazis! Turns out the group in question, the America First Committee, is both anti-Semitic and horribly racist, as it also used the occasion to celebrate the start of the Civil War. The group had one cake that read, “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler,” and another one that read, “The South Was Right. White Men Fight.” We’re not sure whether those cakes were handmade, or if there is a hate-group-approved cake dealer in Lyon. If it’s a case of the latter, we think the Grilled-Cheese Avenger should hit that spot next.

Smoke Bomb Ends Hitler Birthday Celebration [Tribune]

Patriotic Grilled-Cheese Avenger Thwarts Nazis