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Okay, America: Who’s Going to Take Todd English Off of Boston’s Hands?

Photo: Regan Communications

Looks like Todd English is quickly ripening into the Charlie Sheen of the restaurant world. The lawsuits! The eviction threats! The seamy personal escapades! His latest woe? His hometown of Boston is dumping him harder than his ex-fiancée Erica Wang. Read how, straight ahead.

Boston magazine has come out with a cathartic breakup letter that lists all of his transgressions and, in essence, tells him to take his sorry apron elsewhere.

The accusations: He’s embarrassing; he’s a lousy role model; he stuck Boston with a tourist trap; he’s become a “deadbeat dad”; and he’s abandoned his hometown. We’ll give it to Boston: We’ve broken up with people for less.

The bilious missive goes on to make fun of his “cupcake vanity project.” It mercilessly mocks that Hollywood restaurant with the “trashy desperate housewife.” It skewers his penchant for feverishly opening restaurants everywhere but his hometown, while his local restaurants languish like abandoned mistresses. And worst of all, it reminds us of that embarrassing lingerie-buying episode with his son. That he discussed on national television. With Martha Stewart. Ew, Todd!

Clearly it’s time for Boston and English to start seeing other people (in English’s case, perhaps a new accountant?). But our question is this: Who’s he going to rebound with, if his hometown doesn’t want him? He has been involved in a lot of restaurants in New York lately. And if Elliot Spitzer can get a second chance down there, Todd shouldn’t have much trouble getting one of his own.

Dear Todd English: It’s Not Us. It’s You. [Boston]

Okay, America: Who’s Going to Take Todd English Off of Boston’s