The James Weird Awards

The James Weird Awards: Squash Heroes, Croc Abuse, and Gorilla Rampages

We’re still winding down from the scary strangeness that Halloween inevitably inspires. It’s hard to purge Graham Elliott as The Situation from our minds, or stop thinking about all the gory ways cooking in a professional kitchen can go horribly, horribly wrong. And don’t forget that someone tried to shoot Mark Bittman! After all that, it’s kind of nice to get back to the run-of-the-mill, everyday weirdness we’ve come to expect from the James Weird Awards.

A 78-year-old woman in Manhattan has lost a $3 million lawsuit against Starbucks for the burns she sustained after spilling her tea on herself. Apparently, the tea was too hot and served in a double cup, which is well-known for its treacherous instability, and Starbucks failed to warn her that the tea could spill. The U.S. appeals court finally killed the double-cup controversy by proclaiming: “Double-cupping is a method well known in the industry as a way of preventing a cup of hot tea from burning one’s hand.” [Reuters]

A man in a gorilla mask stole an entire cash register from RJB’s Restaurant and Sports Lounge in Sunriver, Oregon, the day after Halloween. One witness recalled, “My thought was, ‘Halloween’s over. What’s this guy doing coming in with a mask on? Any other time, I would have had the opportunity, probably could tackle the guy at the door. But the day after Halloween, you just kind of go, ‘Whoa.’” [KTVZ]

A former employee attempting to break into Harold’s Family Grill in Virginia Beach through a vent shaft failed epically and got stuck in the shaft for seven hours. Eventually, the owner noticed his feet dangling above the kitchen grill and called the police. [WVEC]

An attempted robbery of a corner store in Manchester, New Hampshire, was stopped in its tracks by a squash. The wannabe criminal threatened the clerk with a note shortly before a neighbor felled him with the large seasonal fruit. It has yet to be determined whether the squash was locally grown, or at the very least, organic. [WMUR]

Domino’s Pizza in Japan has announced that in celebration of its 25th anniversary, it wants to hire someone for $31,030 dollars an hour as long as he or she is over 18 years old, no education or experience required. Seemingly on a roll, they also promised to give anyone born on September 30 (the anniversary of their opening) a free pizza on their birthday every year until they turn 25 years old. Because, hey, why the hell not. [Yahoo UK]

The Australian rum brand Bundaberg has come under fire from animal-rights groups for airing a commercial in which a crocodile gets blown up. In a response ad, they apologetically roast it on a spit instead. [AdFreak/AdWeek]

Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame and girlfriend Ellen Ross filed a complaint against Taco Bell after three workers at the restaurant allegedly laughed at them and proceeded to “talk about [Jon] as if he wasn’t there.” The restaurant ignored the demand that they fire the employees but “may offer them some free food coupons which often happens in cases like these.” [Radar Online]

The James Weird Awards: Squash Heroes, Croc Abuse, and Gorilla Rampages