James Weird Awards

The James Weird Awards: Exploding Escargot, Artichoke Attacks, and Rude Receipts

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the man who brought us the cupcake car, and the noble but failed attempts at marketing beverages flavored with medical marijuana or bacon. If the idea of a world without Four Loko and its accompanying high jinks is depressing you, we hope this week’s James Weird Awards remind you how crazy even sober people can be.

A Florida woman was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend with a plate of hot tamales after he swore at her in front of their 1-year-old child. She told the police that “she threw the tamales on him because she is not going to let him call her a bitch in front of her son and get away with it.” [Terra]

Councilman Michael Wolfensohn of New Castle, New York, busted an illegal bake-sale operation that was being run by two sinister 13-year-old boys. Apparently, the politician came across the boys selling baked goods without a license and called the cops, who, he says, “are trained to deal with these sorts of issues.” [Journal News of Westchester]

A new Japanese vending machine has begun using face-recognition technology to recommend drinks based on the age and gender of the person approaching, as well as temperature and time of day. So far the technology has been an enormous success; sales have tripled, and the machines are one step closer to world domination. [Reuters]

Two men are suing a restaurant in San Rafael, California, for trauma induced by exploding escargot. One man was sprayed in the eye, causing “temporary vision impairment” while the other was squirted on the side of his nose. The Marin Independent Journal reports with a completely straight face, “Plaintiffs allege the gastronomical gastropods burst from their plate when cocktail forks were applied, resulting in a spray of hot garlic butter on their faces and polo shirts.” [Marin Independent Journal]

A man in Miami, Florida, has filed a lawsuit against a restaurant that offered him a house special of grilled artichokes, which the man proceeded to eat whole. Predictably, he suffered intense pain from the indigestible leaves and now blames the restaurant for failing to instruct him on the proper way to eat an artichoke. [Business Insurance]

The infamous Double Down sandwich has mysteriously disappeared from Canada, which has been declared by KFC to be a Double Down–free zone. The Double Down was the most popular KFC item in the country; Canadians apparently ate “enough Double Downs to stretch across 2,083 hockey rinks or approximately 140 CN Towers from end to end!” [Globe and Mail]

After ordering food at a Burger King drive-through in Sacramento, California, a man noticed that his receipt showed that he paid for a Double Whopper, onion rings, a beverage, and two F-bombs. The words “f— you” were printed not once, but twice on the receipt, possibly to make sure the point was clear. [WBIR]

The James Weird Awards: Exploding Escargot, Artichoke Attacks, and Rude Receipts