The James Weird Awards

The James Weird Awards: 5,000-Calorie Sandwiches, Self-Cloned Lizards, and Turkey Attacks

This week, we grappled with the possibility of Mayor Bobby Flay, the sudden appearance of Jay-Z’s memoir on menus and tablecloths all over New York, and the makeover of Mr. Peanut. We really didn’t think things could get more surreal. And yet, the James Weird Awards never disappoint. Here now, the most bizarre news from the food world this week.

Four Canadians have come up with what they call “the greasiest sandwich ever,” a 5,000-calorie combination of hot dogs, bacon, poutine, and maple syrup, evidently just because they can. In defense of the unholy creation, one of the creators argued, “Gravy and maple syrup is not a disgusting combination.” We beg to differ. [Canoe]

Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Arizona, offers free food to anyone over 350 pounds. In order to promote their “diet” — which includes something called the Double Bypass Burger — they have hired a 600-pound spokesperson to demonstrate how well it works. [Arizona Republic]

A popular Vietnamese dish was discovered to be made from a self-cloning, single-gender lizard unknown to science. A herpetologist noticed the lizards in a tank outside a restaurant and called in American colleagues to examine them. Unfortunately, by the time the Americans got there, “this crazy guy had gotten drunk and served them all to his customers.” [National Geographic]

After suffering through a month-long coma and total facial reconstruction, a Long Island woman has forgiven the teenager who hit her in the face with a frozen turkey six years ago. “I’m trying to help others, but I know for the rest of my life I’ll be known as ‘The Turkey Lady,’” she said, demonstrating a completely baffling sense of humor and spirit of generosity toward the little monster. “Could have been worse … He could have thrown a ham. I’d be Miss Piggy!” [NY Daily News]

British soap star Catherine Tyldesley re-created a famous image from American Beauty, but, apparently deciding to embrace British stereotyping, posed nude with dozens of Yorkshire puddings instead of the more traditional rose petals. Click through for the picture. [Yorkshire Evening Post]

An Ohio inmate was granted early release from prison after being fired from the prison kitchen for giving fellow inmates four pancakes instead of the mandated two. The judge who released him instructed him to go home, “Get your big box of Aunt Jemima and eat all you want, Mr. Pancake.” [Cincinnati Enquirer]

A man who robbed a food-delivery driver apparently enjoyed his meal so much that he came back to the Springfield, Massachusetts, restaurant to order seconds. Shockingly, he was recognized and arrested. [Republican]

In other dumb-criminal news, a man in Homestead, Pennsylvania, dropped off a job application at Subway moments before walking outside and committing armed robbery in front of the restaurant. As he had conveniently provided all his information in his application, he was tracked down quickly. [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]

The James Weird Awards: 5,000-Calorie Sandwiches, Self-Cloned Lizards, and