It’ll Be a Cold Day in Hell Before We Visit Tonic East’s New Winter Rooftop

Photo: Courtesy of Tonic East

Actually, I’m going to break with the whole “we” thing here because these opinions aren’t necessarily the opinions of Grub Street or New York Magazine. I can’t assume that everyone here shares my intense, soul-scorching hatred for Tonic East. Plenty of people love it! But even before the whole thing about not letting black people in, it was pretty much my least favorite place in Manhattan, second only to that one really long subway passageway that reeks of human feces. Actually, no — at least you can listen to your own music in the subway tunnel.

But if I lost a bet and was forced to go back to this triple-feature horror show, I might be glad to know that the rooftop is now, for the first time, covered and open for business during the winter, meaning that if I wanted to avert my eyes from the patchwork of popped polo collars and Fendi bags without having to feign interest in a Penn State game, I could instead retreat to a glassed-in corner and mouth entreaties to passerby below: “Save me! For the love of all that is good and decent in this world, save me from this before one more person orders a blue cosmo!”

So there you have it: Tonic East. Enclosed rooftop. And now, back to the whole “we” thing.

It’ll Be a Cold Day in Hell Before We Visit Tonic East’s New Winter