The James Weird Awards

The James Weird Awards: Death-Threat Hot Wings; Justin Bieber Tries Fried Pickles at Hooters

This week we’ve been faced with lots of really important questions: Will Larry Summers get a burger named after him now that he’s resigned from the White House and moving back to Harvard? Can a restaurant named Beer Heaven live up to its promise? Is it possible for us to ever emotionally recover from the trauma of Miley Cyrus hit-and-running a valet at a restaurant? Does Gary Danko ever get bored of constantly winning Zagat’s No. 1 spot in San Francisco? Seriously, we have no idea. To distract us from these burning issues, let’s take a look at this week’s James Weird Award winners.

• A three-foot-tall, 75-pound statue of Bart Simpson was stolen from Leggos, a restaurant in Holbrook, Massachusetts, even though the statue was chained down. Police have no leads, but the reporting paper does have a half-assed Sideshow Bob joke. [Republic]

• Justin Bieber visited a Canadian Hooters, and according to a manager, “within 30 to 45 seconds from him walking in the door we had anywhere from 150 to 200 people” surrounding the restaurant. Bieber left quickly, but his backup singers discussed the topic of fried pickles with a waitress and stayed for a free meal. [NYDN]

• After Pittsburgh restaurant Big Shot Bob’s Hot Wings began receiving death threats over their “Black-on-Black Crime” wings (named by a customer, it features a dark rub and a sauce called “black magic”), they renamed the variety “Big Fine Woman 2000” (the suggestion of the woman who initially registered a complaint). [WPXI]

• Two men were arrested in North Bergen, New Jersey, for attempting to steal 700 gallons of cooking oil from a Five Guys Burgers & Fries — during broad daylight, no less, and while driving a bright yellow van. “These weren’t sneaky thieves, they were greasy thieves,” said a local cop. []

• A German restaurant owner who sells extra-large schnitzels is in trouble with the government: Germany taxes food by the portion, not the order, and the tax authorities — who have apparently never heard of competitive eating or the citizens of the United States — refuse to believe that a single person can eat such a giant piece of meat. [Reuters]

• A Detroit restaurateur bought himself a Segway to relieve his arduous 0.4-mile walk between restaurant properties. Just as he reached the parking lot at the distant second restaurant, he fell and broke his eye socket and nose and realigned his jaw. He’s grateful he fell in the parking lot, and not “someplace else on the route where he might have gone unseen for hours.” [Detroit News]

• A topless 43-year-old woman entered a Bullhead City, Arizona, restaurant; the police were promptly called. [Mohave Daily News]

• 100 workers protested for two hours at the Bangalore International Airport after one of them found a cockroach in his rice plate. The man complained to the chef after finding the insect, but the chef “allegedly told Arun that he was not bound to eat in the canteen and could always eat elsewhere if he does not like the food.” [NDTV]

• When Gordon Ramsay went camping with David Beckham in California, all was peaceful until, as Ramsay explains, “we woke up about 4:30 in the morning to gunfire and there was this tent about half a mile away … with these Mexicans shooting.” [Tribal Football]

The James Weird Awards: Death-Threat Hot Wings; Justin Bieber Tries Fried