As we (sort of) predicted, today the Tribune cares about the shape of pizza slices. Kevin Pang and Phil Vettel have a friendly in-print debate about square (a.k.a. party cut or checkerboard) versus wedge-shaped pizza slices. The tone of the debate is less one shape against the other than Pang pulling out all the pop-cult stock in opposition to the square, referencing from Paul Lynde to Crystal Pepsi, while Vettel provides the voice of patient wisdom in feeble defense. In search of an origin story for the four-sided monstrosity, Vettel turns to Chicago Mag’s Penny Pollack, who invents her own mythology: “Maybe some malcontent diner said, ‘I thought this pizza would have more slices,’ and voila! A frustrated server brandished the pizza cutter to create more pieces.” Meanwhile, Borrelli and his pizza strips are relegated to their own article like the third-class pizza shape they are.