Sun-Times, Digested: Pat Bruno Attends A Poetry Slam

FUN GAME: See if you can tell that, while we wrote this post, we were aware that it is Friday.

• God, there is so much to say about Bruno’s review of The Publican. For starters, he kicks off the column with a series of (presumably rhetorical) questions: “Tired of the same old culinary grind? Tired of looking at menus that sing the same old song over and over? Does the house salad bore you to tears?” It’s funny because if any of his readers were ever to answer “yes” to these questions, they would immediately see the pointlessness of his column, and go do something exciting with their AARP benefits.

Speaking of old people! Of the menu, Bruno says “The geographical data provided with each dish read like a Fodor’s travel guide for food.” One time we bought a Fodor’s travel guide, and our travel companion made fun of us for an ENTIRE VACATION because we had bought the “old people travel guide.” Also, it had not yet converted its content to Euros.

Speaking of Europe! Pasquale is a fan of the Daurade, which is served with diced celery and orange, and a side dish of poached whole carrots and parsnips. But then he drops this bomb: “but in Europe I have had this fish with escarole and black olives, which was even better.” Brian Huston had better watch his back, ‘cause Bruno’s got memories of a time on The Continent when he had some kickass fish.

And then there is this part, about the vegetables in the bagna cauda: “each on its own (in other words, not jumbled together).” Because we had totally no idea what “each on its own” meant! Hats off to Bruno, who has saved us yet again from our inadequately literate vocabulary.

Now we will turn his last paragraph into a poem:

Dessert on Sunday?

Brandy and date pudding

with vanilla ice cream.

This beauty
made regular bread pudding
look like a fool.

Moist, a subtle hint
of brandy.
A smart finisher.

In conclusion, he loves everything he eats and everyone should just go make out with The Publican mwah mwah mwah.

• Bruno also visit the newly opened Steve’s Deli. Here it is unclear if he enters a fugue state, or is channeling Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man:

Gotta start with some soup. Chicken noodle. Clear chicken broth, good flavor, but it could use a bit more depth. Nice noodles. A couple of carrots. Best chicken soup ever? No, but good enough, the shingle of toasted bagel perched on the dish was a nice touch.

Gotta have the hot corned beef sandwich that’s listed under “overstuffed sandwiches.” Definitely overstuffed.

He likes the deli, we think. We are so thrown off by his weird literary stylings that we basically have no idea what’s going on. We’ll end you on the same note he ended us: “For dessert, the chocolate cheesecake was decadent.” There is nothing more to say. AND SCENE.

[Photo: Oysters at The Publican, via hoffman15224’s Flickr]

Sun-Times, Digested: Pat Bruno Attends A Poetry Slam