Ivanka Trump Promotes A Lunch Product That Lasts For A Year Without Refrigeration

This woman has a deep, personal understanding of the tragedy of the office workers’ cubicle lunch.

Love them or hate the, the Trump family has a way with stamping their name on things. Ivanka, the be-bosomed Trumpette, has signed on with Con-Agra to promote… something. We have no idea what. But it launches tomorrow.

The setup is a “lunch trade” (a phrase that crops up constantly on her official Con-Agra blog), which we’re going to infer from context entails office workers trading in their brown-bags for whatever the hell it is that Con-Agra is hoping to promote.

The billionaire’s daughter really empathizes with we poor little people, she really feels our pain: “In this economy, bringing lunch to work is smart, but eating the same boring sandwiches or leftovers can be so unsatisfying,” says Ivanka. Speak, prophet! (Presumably she’s on a different dining plan than her brothers.)

Actually, while Ivanka (and whoever is ghostwriting her blog — seriously, you can’t be simultaneously boring, grammatical, and devoid of personal voice unless you are sludging through for minimum wage) are trying to be all mysterious and buzz-building about the lunch item in question, a weensy little Google search gave us a New York Times article that just gosh-darn ruins the surprise:

Ms. Trump, as it turns out, was promoting a new line of microwave meals for ConAgra Foods. The meals are called Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers, available in varieties like Szechwan Beef and Southwestern Chicken, and they can be stored in a desk for up to a year with no refrigeration required.

The “lunch trades” will occur tomorrow at 1 South Wacker Drive. Works, rejoice! Your balanced brown-bag of pesto chicken on whole wheat, with a greenmarket apple and a tupperware of leftover white bean soup are all a thing of the past! Instead open your mouth to the culinary joys of Southwestern Chicken, sealed and preserved well enough to survive nuclear holocaust! Thanks, Ivanka!

A Fresh Perspective: Ivanka Trump [Official Mystery Lunch Trade Site]
Office Workers, Ivanka Trump Is Thinking of You [NYTimes]
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. Dine Everywhere From McDonald’s to Dubai [Grub Street]

Ivanka Trump Promotes A Lunch Product That Lasts For A Year Without