Sick and tired of the pitfall-laden birthday dinner, with its inevitable check asymmetries and eventual overcharging? A new solution:
After dinner, I sidled up to Justin to complain about the exorbitant bill, knowing my outrage would fall on sympathetic ears. Instead, he flashed a wicked grin and revealed that he had “seceded from the check, Jefferson Davis-style.” That is, having realized things were getting out of hand, he had worked out an understanding with the waiter whereby he would order on a separate tab that would include only his appetizer, entrée, and beverages. It was a brilliant stroke, though it required Justin’s unabashed cheapskatedness, which, like his taste in metaphor, is rare indeed.
We’re not quite sure we have the cojones to pull this off, but if we’re ever at a table with someone who does — well, we promise that our resentment of them will be an admirable resentment.