Today! Today is opening day of that much-ballyhooed, much-buzzed, much-delayed valhalla to the drunken epicure: The Bristol. We’ve been sitting on our hands for this PR Showdown, since some e-PR outlets took the early-opening bait (Thrillist and Juli B ran their items on September 15 and 16, respectively), but we had a feeling the others would catch up. Which they did: UrbanDaddy dropped their pitch yesterday, and DailyCandy’s popped into our inbox all perkily this morning. So how do they do?
Thrillist’s take on…
a witty title: “Meet Your Scratch”
an overarching narrative conceit: the average man’s notion of making something from scratch is popping a lunchables and drinking a capri sun.
number of chefs called out by name or former place of employment: 3: “Tri-owned by a former Tru chef and vets from N9ne & one sixtyblue”
a head-scratcher of a humorous assertion: “in Belgium, the Lord’s blood is frothy.”
highlighted menu item that makes us drool: “chorizo-stuffed boneless chicken wings (w/ bleu cheese cream & chicken cracklings)”
closing witticism: “[the bar serves] Moscow Mules — a drink you can enjoy without incident, as opposed to those whose pouches must be pierced with a pointy straw.”
Juli B’s take on…
a witty title: “Bristol Whipped”
an overarching narrative conceit: the resto is both British and neighborly
number of chefs called out by name or former place of employment: 1: “exec chef chris pandel has worked at fancy-pants restos like NYC’s café boulud and chicago’s own tru.”
a head-scratcher of an illustration: stock photo of pastel plastic cafe chairs that we are fairly sure don’t fit into the Bristol’s leather-and-wood pub design.
highlighted menu item that makes us drool: “soothe your soul with comfy food like duck fat fries”
closing witticism: “get on your pony and warn them all: the bristol is coming.”
DailyCandy’s take on…
a witty title: “Snackdown”
an overarching narrative conceit: your late-night snacking habits are immature, at best
number of chefs called out by name or former place of employment: 3: “Operated by John Ross (One Sixtyblue), Phillip Walters (N9ne), and Chris Pandel (Tru)”
a head-scratcher of an opening sentence: “On your last trip to the The Wiener’s Circle, you smeared ketchup on your date’s face then dipped a fry in it.”
highlighted menu item that makes us drool: “monkey bread (biscuits with butter, dill, and sea salt)”
closing witticism: “Weekend brunch launches mid-October. Giving you just enough time to clean up your act.”
UrbanDaddy’s take on…
a witty title: “Chalk It Up”
an overarching narrative conceit: you hate writing things in stone; you live your life via a metaphorical chalkboard; The Bristol is good for both guys nights and date nights.
number of chefs called out by name or former place of employment: 0
a head-scratcher of any variety: none, actually. This is surprisingly both lucid and devoid of jokes.
highlighted menu item that makes us drool: Taco-Stand Corn on the Cob
closing witticism: “From there, the game plan should take care of itself.”
Winner: In an upset, we’re going to anoint the crown to DailyCandy. This is in part because of how much better this entry is than DC’s previous attempts, which have been shockingly bad. But they also get props for IDing the chefs by name and resume, a well-punned title, and an adorably deranged opening sentence. Wear that tiara with pride, DC:C!
Loser: What the fudge, Juli B? While this showing wasn’t a total embarrassment, we were struck by the absent plugging of the other two name-brand chefs involved with the project, the totally incongruous illustrating photo, and the out-of-left-field Mister Rogers reference in the opening paragraph — not to mention the closing sentence (we do not now, nor have we ever, owned a pony). Fail. Sorry.
Honorable mention is due to UrbanDaddy, by the by, for delivering the information on this restaurant in such a way that we knew exactly what was going on in their post at all times, and precisely what every sentence was supposed to refer to. It didn’t make us laugh out loud like Thrillist’s (which gets the ribbon for humor), but reading UD was a breath of fresh PR air.
Thanks for playing, everyone! See you next time!