National: Time in a Bun

Let no one tell you that you can’t live forever: immortality has been discovered – well, for a burger, anyway. Death eludes the indomitable McDonald’s hamburger. Consider the following evidence, via Serious Eats and courtesy of Karen Hanrahan’s website,

The burger on the left, purchased 12 years ago looks exactly the same as the burger on the right, circa 2008. No wrinkling, no discoloration… the cosmetic industry ought to take a hint.

The Big Mac’s source of fountain of youth is not, as popular conspiracy theories would have us believe, children who had been sucked into the ball pits, but rather an elixir blend of powerful anti-aging ingredients: distilled monoglycerides, DATEM, ascorbic acid, azodicarbonamide, enzymes, ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, sodium stearoyl lactylate, guar gum, mono-and diglycerides, calcium peroxide, calcium propionate and sodium propionate. And that’s just the bun.

Now the patty is a real puzzle. According to the McDonald’s website, the patty is composed of
“100% pure USDA inspected beef; no fillers, no extenders. Prepared with grill seasoning (salt, black pepper).” But this doesn’t quite explain why meat that ought to have rotted beyond recognition still looks like a recent order. Got theories on this subject? Send us a line.

I leave you with one thought, however: wouldn’t it be embarrassing (or poignant, depending on your point of view) if a millennium from now, an advanced future race discovered the only remaining fragment of our civilization – the soul-less, youthful carcass of a cheeseburger? And, in any case, aren’t there better alternatives?

12-Year Old McDonald’s Hamburger, Still Looking Good [Serious Eats]
1996 McDonalds Hamburger []
McDonald’s USA Ingredients Listing for Popular Menu Items [McDonald’s USA Official Site]

[Photo: Via]

National: Time in a Bun