National: She Loves Me Not

Forget Sparks. They’re going to outlaw that junk anyway. The next big thing is this totally serious product we saw written up in the Onion:

According to makers of the nervous-energy drink Pace!, the new beverage provides consumers with the same anxiety, restlessness, and self-doubt associated with waiting for a phone call from a much-desired female acquaintance.

Fortunately for the world of comedy, the phone does actually ring, eventually, leading to skits like this:

Happy Friday. Have fun on that date tonight!

States ask MillerCoors to pull alcoholic energy drink [LA Times]
New Nervous-Energy Drink Recreates Feeling Of Waiting For Girl To Call [The Onion]

National: She Loves Me Not