National: Freaky Burglar Attacks Victims With Spices, Sausage

Because it wasn’t weird enough for a Fresno, Calif. burglar to simply assault his sleeping victims with food from their own kitchen, a paragraph in Saturday’s Fresno Bee account implies the suspect carried out the two attacks at the same time!:

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

That really needs no help to be the funniest thing you read all day. We’re just going to gloss over the part in the lede where the chronology is outlined (spice-rub first, then sausage-whack, for the curious).

You may or may not be happy to know that newly crowned (by us, just now) “weirdest criminal ever,” 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez, was arrested, and the cash he stole returned to the victims. Officers identified Vasquez by the wallet he left at the scene, and arrested him as he hid in a nearby field, wearing only a t-shirt, boxer shorts, and socks, according to the Bee.

Unfortunately, though, “the sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog.” Wonder if Vasquez will have to pay reimbursement? (Via Coldmud)

Burglar victims wake to spice rub, sausage attack [Fresno Bee]
Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage attack [Fresno Bee]

[Photo: via Spigoo/flickr]

National: Freaky Burglar Attacks Victims With Spices, Sausage