When Mister Softee goes to war against the Good Humor Man, the only winners are newspaper-feature writers. The Times ran a story yesterday morning about retro Good Humor Man Jose Martinez locked bumper to bumper and eye to eye with Mister Softee driver Carlos Rodriguez at an Upper West Side school corner. But in a late-afternoon update, we learned that Mister Softee showed up for work early and declared victory. This is a dark day for ice cream. What kind of victory deprives children of the clinking bells and retro excitement of the Good Humor Man? In this battle, nothing was won but ill humor.