Back of the House

Adam Platt Bemoans ‘Top Chef’ Tantrums

Platt liked the judges in this episode, at least.
Platt liked the judges in this episode, at least. Photo: Courtesy of Bravo

After a Quickfire Challenge in which the cheftestants were blindfolded and subjected to a taste test, Antonia emerged victorious and acquired immunity. But she still took a lead role in her team’s Elimination Challenge of making an element-themed dinner for a big formal affair, a disastrous move that led to a teammate’s getting the boot at the end of the show. Bad behavior was the rule and not the exception on this episode, and it was in a meditative mood that we sat down to our IM chat with Adam Platt.

Platt: Spike of the stupid hats survives to wear stupid hats another episode. Let us pray fervently that it’s his last…

Ozersky: Seriously? I want to send a Colombian death squad in.

Ozersky: “Just spare Stephanie!”

Platt: I thought the episode was tedious actually. None of them cooks well together as a group. The real fun is when they go at each other like wild alley cats. I longed to finish my snifter of brandy and creep off to bed.

Ozersky: I agree. I enjoy the cockfighting aspect of it, but they can barely cook alone, let alone together. And then the one that does the worst always skates. How could Sharkface get away with serving a fish with scales all over it?

Platt: Sheriff Tom was just bringing Sharkface down a notch. He’s clearly going to win the thing. But Spike should have been sent to the sausage factory weeks ago. They should have let him concoct what would have no doubt been a toweringly shitty squash soup.

Ozersky: What was the vilest act in this episode, would you say?

Platt: At the end, when Dale, in a misguided fit of manly chef rage, began grabbing his crotch.

Platt: In his defense, I have to say, Lisa with her eyebrow ring is pretty insufferable. And she got to go to Italy for cooking bacon! That would be your dream, Cutty.

Ozersky: Such a hack, and yet she has such churlish, sullen, impudent attitude. Awful. She’ll never be a Top Chef. I don’t care what the Mingster says. She and Dale are both awful human beings.

Platt: Dale will be there, attempting to act out until the end. Except for Sharkface, that’s all this group seems to be good at. But I was pleased with the judges. Lovely Gail is back, and I thought Ming Tsai looked very commanding in his shiny felt jackets.

Ozersky: The judges were good. They’re getting better and the cheftestants worse. Except for the final judgment, which has been a botch job every time. Not kicking Sharkface off was like having the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft and taking Ed O’Bannon.

Platt: They can’t kick off Sharkface! Though he looked pretty ridiculous in that first challenge, wearing his cow blinders…

Platt: They all looked ridiculous in their cow blinders. They all are ridiculous!

Ozersky: I agree. But some are contemptible as well.

The Elements