Ranking The State Foods

Originally posted on April 27. This post caused a fair amount of controversy, but we stand by our disdain for corn muffins.

The entire idea of state symbols has always made us giggle a little bit. Why, exactly, do we need an Official State Polka Song (“Say Hello To Someone From Massachusetts” by Lenny Gomulka) again? While browsing the state symbols page on the Secretary of State’s website, we were shocked to learn that Massachusetts has no less than nine state foods. Upon closer inspection, it became rapidly clear that not all state foods are created equal. We’ve created a little ranking…do you agree?

Massachusetts State Foods, In Ascending Order Of Greatness

9) Official State Muffin: Corn Muffin: Really? Really? Must our official muffin be the second-dullest muffin in existence (after bran, obviously)? We have never heard anyone cop to a corn muffin craving and we don’t expect to anytime soon. It’s also odd, given the dominance of cranberries on the rest of the list that they weren’t included in the muffin category.
8) Official State Beverage: Cranberry Juice: A sensible choice, but still kind of a yucky one. An intriguing question: given the state beverage, would a Cape Codder or a Cosmopolitan be the more logical choice for Official State Cocktail?
7) Official State Berry: Cranberry: Did you know that Massachusetts ranks 17th in the nationwide production of berries? Did you know that we’re not the number one producer of cranberries? Despite what Ocean Spray commercials would lead you to believe, it’s actually Wisconsin.
6) Official State Fish: Cod: Pretty unsurprising choice from a state which actually hangs a sacred cod in the Legislature.
5) Official State Bean: Navy: A little dull, but we’ll take it, especially since we do love Boston baked beans.
4) Official State Game Bird: Wild Turkey: Would that make bourbon the Official State Liquor? Sad fact: to the best of our knowledge, wild turkey is not available at any Boston-area restaurant.
3) Official State Dessert: Boston Cream Pie: World’s tastiest misnomer (it’s actually a cake).
2) Official State Donut: Boston Creme: Perhaps given the growing national concern about obesity it’s a little peculiar that Massachusetts has an official donut, but we must say, the Boston Creme is really insanely rich and delightful.
1) Official State Cookie: Chocolate Chip: AW YEAH! In your face, other states! The chocolate chip cookie is truly the ruler of all cookies, accounting for a full 50% of cookies baked in American homes. Best of all, it was indeed invented in Massachusetts (in Whitman). We can’t help but notice that Massachusetts doesn’t have an Official State Food. Might we recommend this one?

Citizen Information Service: State Symbols [Mass.Gov]


Ranking The State Foods