In this world, they can steal your mind, erase your memory, and give you another identity. But the most dangerous thing that can happen to you is…TOFU RECALL.
SFist reports that local manufacturer Quong Hop has recalled several of its tofu products, namely: “Soy Deli brand tofu with a date code of Dec. 17, 2007, and three other brands: 16-ounce Quong Hop brand Water Pack Tofu with a date code of Sep. 23, 2007; 12-ounce Soy Deli brand Water Pack Tofu with a date code of Sep. 23, 2007, or Oct. 9, 2007; and 30-ounce Soy Deli brand Nigari Tofu dated either Sep. 23, 2007, or Oct. 17, 2007.” The affected tofu may contain listeria, a bacteria that is quite harmful for the elderly, pregnant women, babies, and others with weakened immune systems. There is no word yet as to whether Arnold Schwartzenegger will be getting involved, ideally as “a construction worker who has been experiencing dreams about exploring the planet Mars with a sexy brunette.”*
*:We will level with you. We have never actually seen Total Recall. We have, however, seen director Paul Verhoeven’s masterpiece Showgirls, which taught us that if your name is Polly-Ann Costello, you should probably change it to Nomi Malone and that “there’s always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you.” So true, Cristal Connors, so true.