Objectionable Advertising: ‘Don’t Hook Up On An Empty Stomach’

Via copyranter, this advertisement seen inside a Boystown bar is generally icky, and gives terrible advice.

Consider the list of common food aphrodisiacs: asparagus, chili peppers, chocolate, oysters, ginko, Thousand Island-knockoff dressing, low-quality ground beef, white bread, anemic shredded iceberg lettuce, American cheese.

Hmm, there’s something suspicious about that list…oh right, every component of a Big Mac is vile! Copyranter makes fun of the gas they cause, but what of the violent internal hemorrhaging that one risks with even a single bite of the sandwich? Maybe we’re supposed to draw sexual inspiration from the bun-paddy-bun-paddy-bun configuration of the burger, like it’s some sort of fast food Kama Sutra (the double-sided middle bun raises fascinating questions).

We haven’t been to a McD in several years, but don’t they smell weird, and in such a way that it sticks on your clothes for hours? And also, we feel like “dress the part” and “lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas” apply here: if you eat McD food, you will sleep with McD clientele, and no one wants that.

Sure, you can accuse us of being elitist, but it’s only in response to crass marketing. Actually, you know what would make this ad work for us? If it dispensed Big Mac-flavored condoms. That would be a marketing coup, and bolster its public health image all at the same time! Taking that final step would make it go viral - are you listening, Oak Brook? But please don’t make an accompanying YouTube video for it, because giving the campaign a human face would make it go right back to being lame again. Complicated, isn’t it?!

SUBTEXT: (You Gay Sluts, You!) [copyranter]

[Photo: from the post, taken by one Marah Eakin]

Objectionable Advertising: ‘Don’t Hook Up On An Empty Stomach’