Back of the House

The Gay Side of ‘Top Chef’ Comes Out

Casey chokes on the onions and confirms that she was cast for looks, not talent.
Casey chokes on the onions and confirms that she was cast for looks, not talent.

This week’s Top Chef was a good one, a do-over of last week’s failed restaurant openings. A Quickfire Challenge in which teams needed to perform simple kitchen tasks like cutting onions had no real prize but was wildly dramatic anyway, as Casey single-handedly sunk her squad with her plodding slicing style. In the main event, Sara and Howie’s team bounced back to win, while the CJ-Tre group bottomed out — a failing for which Tre, as executive chef, took the fall. Even as the onetime favorite was packing his knife roll, we were sprinting to the computer for a catty IM chat with blogger Amuse Biatch, filling in this week for Adam Platt, who is in the restaurant-critic protection program.

Ozersky: Were you not totally surprised that Tre got the mitten?

Amuse Biatch: Actually no.

Ozersky: How come?

Amuse Biatch: [Producer] Raggaydy Andy Cohen promised on his blog today that this episode was a shocker.

Ozersky: It was, but I never thought Tre was that good. Everyone always went on about his skills, but he screwed up practically everything he ever made, from ribs to bread pudding.

Ozersky: How about the whole Howie-Joey dynamic tonight? I love how Joey got the undercooked lamb chops and immediately saw his old friend’s handiwork in them. “Howie has been here.”

Amuse Biatch: I thought of it as a tender love call. A secret coded message. Something about liking it just a little bit raw.

Ozersky: Ew … you know, I actually feel like this whole episode was one for the gay team. There was Madonna’s brother, ten minutes of Tre pumping iron in his wife-beater, and less than one second of Lia in her low-cut cocktail dress, a spectacle I would have been willing to pay-per-view.

Amuse Biatch: And there was another gay element, though it wasn’t as juicy as it might have been: Dale, Hung, and Stephen Asprinio

Ozersky: The sommelier? Yeah, what was his deal? He was as chatty and pompous as The Boob from Yellow Submarine.

Amuse Biatch: He always wears ties as big as his ego. What did you think about that Demise en Place?

Ozersky: I loved it … that was the first time I thought real cooking skills actually came into play.

Ozersky: Casey at the bat with the onions was the shadiest thing I’ve seen on this show yet. What incompetence! It totally proves they picked her for her admittedly stunning looks.

Amuse Biatch: I loved how suited the tasks were to personality. Walking tear duct Casey “Beaver Boots” Thompson chopping onions? Perfect!

Amuse Biatch: And it was also perfect that Dale is bad at shucking oysters.

Ozersky: Why’s that?

Amuse Biatch: Do I have to spell it out?

Amuse Biatch: He was appropriately better with stiff whites.

Ozersky: You know, you have a very dirty mind, Biatch!

Ozersky: So, what’s the verdict? Do you think Tre had it coming?

Amuse Biatch: No. I think he exhibited more promise than, say, Beaver Boots.

Ozersky: She has plenty of promise, but more as a Dallas trophy wife, I think. Rosalita, chop the onions, please!

Ozersky: I agree, she should have gotten the boot. Of course, Tre did make the worst dish and also the worst dessert. You were sorry to see him go, though?

Amuse Biatch: He wasn’t my cup of tea.

Ozersky: Too butch?

Amuse Biatch: God, no. Just too boring.

Earlier: Truces and Vanilla Candles Ruin This Week’s ‘Top Chef’

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