Back of the House

Platt Stands Up for the Latest ‘Top Chef’ Non-Winner

“That scowling madman Howie” about to make a Hail Mary pass.

On this week’s Top Chef, the contestants were asked to create ice-cream toppings, a laughably easy challenge won by Dale, who acquired immunity. Padma then told the contestants that they were going to go out clubbing that night, a lie that was revealed when the rivals were driven to catering trucks and told they would be cooking for South Beach revelers. They were divided into two teams, with Tre, Hung, Brian, and Sarah M. functioning as a well-oiled machine, and Howie, Sara, CJ, and Casey at sixes and nines with each other. In the end, Sara, was given the boot. We logged on with Adam Platt immediately to discuss the meaning of it all.

“That scowling madman Howie” about to make a Hail Mary pass.

Ozersky: This might have been the best episode yet.

Platt: Maybe because it was the stupidest. Was that placement ad for Coldstone Creamery really worthy of our consideration? I think not.

Platt: I liked seeing them put their questionable talents to work making late-night junk food, though. But the most interesting thing now is how they interact. The group is ridden with alliances and cliques. And they all hate Howie. But except for him, I like all the contestants a lot better than I like that stern-faced, self-important, bloviating panel of judges! Do we have to listen to Padma opining away in her self-serious manner about how to spice a hamburger? She looks almost as bored as we are!

Ozersky: I have to say, I enjoy the judges. Padma talks slower every week, and Tom wears his power lightly — which makes it that much more threatening.

Platt: Meanwhile, your little pet bulldog dodged a bullet there.

Ozersky: I wasn’t worried. Sara was a bigger loser than Danny Bonaduce. Who puts ice in a milk shake? Why didn’t she just add castor oil while she was at it?

Platt: Howie blew everyone in his group up. Poor little Sara was the sacrificial lamb. I think Colicchio and Howie have the same hairstylist. It’s some kind of baldie cabal.

Ozersky: You would know …

Ozersky: Oh, snap!

Platt: Stop picking on Sara, Cutty. She was driven to distraction by that scowling madman, Howie.

Ozersky: What is she, your sister-in-law? Sara brought nothing to the table.

Platt: What does Howie bring to the table but strife, madness, and despair?!?!

Ozersky: Bulldog determination and a love of pork. What else does a man need?

Platt: I can’t argue your porky logic, my porcine friend! But I’ll wager (again) that dark, round, fulminating Howie will be off the show within a week.

Ozersky: You say that every week, but here he is. I say that Casey or your giant is the next to go.

Adam Platt Finds the Moral in Last Night’s ‘Top Chef’
Joey, Latest ‘Top Chef’ Non-Winner, on Why Rocco Is a Douche Bag

Guilty Pleasures