So as everyone knows by now, the heretofore unstoppable champion eating machine, a.k.a. Takeru Kobayash, has been struck with a case of acute, sudden onset temporomandibular arthrosis, this according to a rough translation from his website.
Basically, the guy can’t open his mouth bigger than, oh, the size of an American nickel (blender? straw?). The timing of this misfortune, a mere week and a half before the July 4th hot dog eating contest on Coney Island, smells of foul play (and fetid hot dog juice). We noted the unexpected nationalist fervor we felt when we reported that American contender Joey Chestnut had beaten the world (and Kobayashi’s) record in hot dog consumption. At the time, we speculated that Chestnut had a good shot at taking the title this year. Clearly, our government didn’t want to take any chances, so they sent a spy to Japan to stick a rusty nail into the bottom of Kobayashi’s foot while he was asleep. Well, guess what? Now, Chestnut’s win is going to have an asterisk next to it, and we all know what that means. Shame. Deep, abiding shame.
[Photo: What Kobayashi looks like right now, Girl Watching]