Forgive us for the size of that…depiction, for it is the last post of the week, and we will do what we damn well please. Unfortunately, so will Hugh Grant: as everyone knows by now, our little jewel threw a plastic tub of baked beans at paparazzi Ian Whittaker. He’s already out on bail, no charges filed. The beans will have their day in court, though, having been made to commit battery. Or at least those that survived, since it’s almost certain that there was lossage sometime during their flight (if not, it would make a good commercial for Tupperware or whoever sells plastic containers these days. If people knew the right people, that ad could be on YouTube by nightfall). Mourn the loss of the beans (whose provenance remains unknown) at one of these fine baked bean dispensaries:
• Fat Willy’s in Bucktown has a side of baked beans for $2.50. This is fairly expensive for baked beans, but you know you’re getting quality.
• Bar-B-Que Bob’s in Rogers Park sells their beans by the 1/2 pint ($1.75) and the full pint ($3.00). Please do not eat a pint of baked beans. Or throw them, for that matter.
• Hecky’s in Old Town charges $1.85 for all their sides, baked beans included. We think that sort of price uniformity means from a can, so we called to check. Boy was our face red - made from scratch, and shame on us for doubting.
• Eat & Run down in Auburn takes the prize for the cheapest beans on the list, at $1.25 for six ounces. The discount is because the staff gets to watch you run around in circles while you eat your meal. Did you think the name of the restaurant was a joke?
[Photo: Baked Bean Museum of Excellence. Seriously! The photo came from Ken Dickenson of Britain, naturally. Evidently, photos of Hugh holding the beans over his head ran in the Daily Star there on Wednesday. Anyone with access to them should drop us a line.]