Restroom Report

Mirrors, Mirrors in the Stall at Umberto’s Clam House

Cheese! [Echo, echo, echo.]Photo: Daniel Maurer
Umberto’s Clam House is best known as the place where mobster Crazy Joe Gallo was gunned down while eating scungilli with clam sauce; these days the pasta mill is a couple of blocks away from its original location and the only thing likely to kill you is the massive plate of butter-bombed linguine Alfredo (though just as cheesy maritime décor may well blind you). Still, after eating with our backs to the wall we decided to check out the restrooms in order to see a side of New York City to which only tourists are, well, privy.

Concept: Aqua-green marble tiles vaguely preserve the nautical theme. Tourists can look into the infinitely reflecting mirrors and do their best ultraparanoid De Niro: “You lookin’ at me? What about you, are you lookin at me? You lookin’ at me too?”

Privacy: Plenty once you’re in the bathroom; on your way there, beware of rubberneckers trying to determine whether you’re one of the celebrities that supposedly comes here.

Amenities: An automatic air freshener, disposable toilet covers, and a dispenser containing gigantic rolls of toilet paper.

Drawbacks: For all the mirrors, there’s nowhere to indulge Tony Montana style.

Strategy: Wait until late in your dinner to use the facilities. The infinity mirrors are much more fun after six glasses of vino.


Mirrors, Mirrors in the Stall at Umberto’s Clam House