It's like a gastrique made of punk, gluten, and early 1990s public-access TV.
"Just about anything that reminds us of autumn is a better flavor than pumpkin spice."
"Why am I eating soap right now?"
"She has this taste memory that goes back to a time when there aren't a lot of people alive who remember the food of that China," says Ruth Reichl.
Of course a kale smoothie was implicated.
"'You've got really good sound bites.' I f--king hate that word."
"You're going to go to jail for the rest of your life," an onlooker said.
Video shows workers punching and shocking cows.
It's like Ali versus Frazier, but with hot dogs.
The store has since removed the "Service animals welcome" sign.
It would have been funnier if this were an actual corporate-issued video, but we'll take it.
"I think he fell from the heavens, an angel here to save my sorry ass."
Don't even think about putting that pickled ginger on the fish.
The sauce is 125 times spicier than Tabasco.
"I treat this piece of wood with a lot of respect," he says.
It's the Tonight Show showdown you knew was coming.
"Drinking with Frank Bruni at 10 a.m., man, life is looking good."
It's about about NYC, this time around.
Survey says: Yes, probably. (Also, thanks for the nightmares in advance.)
"If you're the complainer type, go back and eat the apples that grow wild."