"We have a morbidly obese dachshund named Daisy, who also shares in our culinary delights. Unlike my kids, she likes all of my food."
"All of the food gets eaten as if it is the first time food has ever existed."
"If you ever come across a bottle of Virgil’s Special Edition Bavarian Nutmeg Root Beer, buy it and hoard it."
"We went next door to Sweet Chick and did the chicken and waffles at about 11:45 p.m., and I feel great about that."
"We don't have fries at the restaurant because I would be fat."
"Then Violet and I had a dance party and gave ourselves belly aches because we danced our butts off."
"I ate some more perfectly ripe, warm strawberries from the front garden. I never got over the thrill."
"Wow. This was an incredible breakfast."
"It's good for you — at least that's what I tell myself when I'm drinking it."
"Warning: I'm disgusting."
"I'm trying to learn how to cook, especially because this is my off-season right now."
"I don't particularly approve of muffins."
"For lunch, I contemplated the epic chakchouka..."
"I really want to type 'I love granola' here, but then I'm going to feel bad about myself, so let's move on."
"I was craving burgers and ice cream."
"And we order steaks the size of our heads."
"It could not be expected that I'd do everything from scratch."
"I have loads of water and vitamins, but also loads of vodka sodas."